I thought I was the only crazy person who did laundry on a Monday evening. Evidently this is not the case as all of the wash machines in my building are full. Who does that?!!?!?
I psuedo remembered what I wanted to write about yesterday. My parents came to visit me for the weekend. It was great to see them since well..it's been 3 months. I suppose though that I really am starting to feel like my apartment is my space- since after a bit... my tiny apartment just didn't seem like it was big enough for all three of us to occupy it at the same time. I almost wanted to scream out and say, "All this mine...no invade space." But I'm a good gal...I guess I'm just used to all this space and having if for myself. I couldn't operate normally in my own apartment for the day they were here. It was weird just having to make a comment on ...i'm going to do work now...I haven't done that in three months...i just sit down and i do it. Maybe I'm rusty on the social skills now - being by myself and all. oh well, it was a fun weekend though and I got no work accomplished so this week just feels :oP.
This week you ask:
1. lots o studying for linear algebra exam next Monday
2. no class tomorrow (election day)- but i have to make up classes for DE...so i'll be in the math building for several hours
3. Wednesday night dinner this week is on me - baked ziti and garlic bread, yum
4. See the bro row in Augusta??
5. some birthday party action- no not mine...someone elses
It has been a week since Andy left. I still ache on the inside - and I really haven't given myself the time to get lost in all of it. I don't think graduate school really allows you to get lost in anything other than your work. It makes me feel guilty- since I feel like I'm avoiding those fears. So i know it will all come back and bite me in the ass when I least expect it- probably during Thanksgiving with my entire father's family gathered for the first time in like 10 years, yeah that would be superb.
oh well I guess I should get pick out some laundry now...catch ya later.
oops
I had something meaningful to say. I swear I did. But I lost it. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. Losing my head mostly. I guess when I find it again, I'll have a few minutes and enough mind to actually type it out and post. In the meantime, I'm going to head to bed - another long hard week is fast approaching, and at the moment I can't bear sitting up late in the evening (my mind wanders).
check back in sometime soon I think.
check back in sometime soon I think.
Study Break
Well, I'm going to take a little while to stop my studying, even though I know I really need to know this stuff. I figured I would write a little bit about my fall break and all that has ensued from that point on.
I spent most of the start of my fall break on an airplane- Yes cramped between people...or cramped in a tiny seat- even tiny by my standards. I guess the cool story I have from my plane flights is the trip from Dallas to El Paso. I guess the usual deal is that I end up being seated with some soldier or officer in the Army. I spend my time chatting with them for most of the flight. Not this time. El Paso was in an uproar, because the Rolling Stones were coming to play at the Sun Bowl on Friday evening. So this plane flight I actually got to sit next to a group of the sound engineers/roadies for the Rolling Stones. The poor things seemed really exhausted. But the guy I sat next to seemed to open up really quickly- talked about all the places they went to, and showed me pictures of the stage setup at different venues. Then proceeded to tell me he really didn't like the job at all, cause he was away from his son in Germany for like 5 months out of the year every year. It was an insightful trip.
The time with Andrew was really good- could have been better if his commander had been a bit nice and given him a bit of time off. But I have no control over that. I got a bit of work done while he was at work. We went out to a couple of nice restaurants, smoked some cigars (yes, they are growing on me quite quickly), went up high on the mountain, to the museum of science and the art museum. It was just so good. I love the rhythm we just fall into. Leaving on Sunday was...very difficult.
The past week brought me back to reality- huge tests, quizzes, and project that needed to be worked on. The test is tomorrow evening, quiz on Wednesday, project due Thursday. Not exactly pretty but I should be able to relax a bit after that.
Yesterday Andy left. It was not a good day. We spoke 3 times during the day. I have come to accept the fact that I haven't been able to be near him in the continental US. I've come to terms with that pain. But this...it hit me like a ton of bricks. Emotional hurt for me translates to physical pain and illness, cause that is just how I am. Last night was horrible- how quickly after that last phone call- I was immobile, unable to breathe, stand...function like a normal human being. I was violently ill. I've really only felt like that one other time in my life, and that time was/is just as difficult. No control over anything.
I hope that this can still be a place that I can outlet all of this without it seeming like "i'm that girl whose guy is over there". I think this helps a bit. Thanks to everyone who dropped me a line...or I talked too, it really really helps. I can't wait for this year to go flying by and Andrew is back here.
Hmm happy thoughts- my parents are coming this weekend, hurray!!! Only two weeks until the huge Sparacio family Turkey Day shin dig takes place- oh that will be..interesting.
Crud- I've spent to much time with my feelings and such. I need to attack this analysis stuff now. I will try very hard to post a bit more often so you all know I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
End transmission.
I spent most of the start of my fall break on an airplane- Yes cramped between people...or cramped in a tiny seat- even tiny by my standards. I guess the cool story I have from my plane flights is the trip from Dallas to El Paso. I guess the usual deal is that I end up being seated with some soldier or officer in the Army. I spend my time chatting with them for most of the flight. Not this time. El Paso was in an uproar, because the Rolling Stones were coming to play at the Sun Bowl on Friday evening. So this plane flight I actually got to sit next to a group of the sound engineers/roadies for the Rolling Stones. The poor things seemed really exhausted. But the guy I sat next to seemed to open up really quickly- talked about all the places they went to, and showed me pictures of the stage setup at different venues. Then proceeded to tell me he really didn't like the job at all, cause he was away from his son in Germany for like 5 months out of the year every year. It was an insightful trip.
The time with Andrew was really good- could have been better if his commander had been a bit nice and given him a bit of time off. But I have no control over that. I got a bit of work done while he was at work. We went out to a couple of nice restaurants, smoked some cigars (yes, they are growing on me quite quickly), went up high on the mountain, to the museum of science and the art museum. It was just so good. I love the rhythm we just fall into. Leaving on Sunday was...very difficult.
The past week brought me back to reality- huge tests, quizzes, and project that needed to be worked on. The test is tomorrow evening, quiz on Wednesday, project due Thursday. Not exactly pretty but I should be able to relax a bit after that.
Yesterday Andy left. It was not a good day. We spoke 3 times during the day. I have come to accept the fact that I haven't been able to be near him in the continental US. I've come to terms with that pain. But this...it hit me like a ton of bricks. Emotional hurt for me translates to physical pain and illness, cause that is just how I am. Last night was horrible- how quickly after that last phone call- I was immobile, unable to breathe, stand...function like a normal human being. I was violently ill. I've really only felt like that one other time in my life, and that time was/is just as difficult. No control over anything.
I hope that this can still be a place that I can outlet all of this without it seeming like "i'm that girl whose guy is over there". I think this helps a bit. Thanks to everyone who dropped me a line...or I talked too, it really really helps. I can't wait for this year to go flying by and Andrew is back here.
Hmm happy thoughts- my parents are coming this weekend, hurray!!! Only two weeks until the huge Sparacio family Turkey Day shin dig takes place- oh that will be..interesting.
Crud- I've spent to much time with my feelings and such. I need to attack this analysis stuff now. I will try very hard to post a bit more often so you all know I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.
End transmission.
ouch.
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
Fall Break
It is halfway through the semester here, so that only means that Fall Break has descended upon us. I'll be hopping on a plane in a few short hours to make my way to Texas for the weekend.
Just so you know what has been happening- I went to the SC state fair last friday. Now I'm used to carnivals and such, but this...this was huge. So large in fact that they provide a map of where everything is. There were all the normal things that one usually finds at a fair- except for Zeppoles, which in my humble opinion are the most fantastic fried carnival food one can eat. I had lots of fun eating and going on all the different rides and nearly scaring the ____ out of myself.
I managed to get my hands on a ticket to the SC vs. Tennessee football game. Probably the last big home game before the huge rivalry between Clemson gets started. Oh I won a game last week in fantasy football. I've been doing quite poorly so that has been a nice change.
In a couple of weeks I get to take the parents around Columbia. Hurray- since I haven't seen them since oh, yeah they day they moved me in, which is about 3 months. Don't know what exactly we'll do, but I have a little while to figure that out.
Oh holy moly- I need to stop now- have to get to my Calc 2 maple labs. Joy. I may be nice and let them out early today.
Just so you know what has been happening- I went to the SC state fair last friday. Now I'm used to carnivals and such, but this...this was huge. So large in fact that they provide a map of where everything is. There were all the normal things that one usually finds at a fair- except for Zeppoles, which in my humble opinion are the most fantastic fried carnival food one can eat. I had lots of fun eating and going on all the different rides and nearly scaring the ____ out of myself.
I managed to get my hands on a ticket to the SC vs. Tennessee football game. Probably the last big home game before the huge rivalry between Clemson gets started. Oh I won a game last week in fantasy football. I've been doing quite poorly so that has been a nice change.
In a couple of weeks I get to take the parents around Columbia. Hurray- since I haven't seen them since oh, yeah they day they moved me in, which is about 3 months. Don't know what exactly we'll do, but I have a little while to figure that out.
Oh holy moly- I need to stop now- have to get to my Calc 2 maple labs. Joy. I may be nice and let them out early today.
Weekend
Well, I have made it through another week. I've decided that this weekend should be filled with relaxation- which is great because the huge storm front moving through Columbia is really messing with my head at the moment. I hope to get most of my little around-the-apartment things done plus a couple of other projects finished up.
I am starting to feel better about the week, which is a good thing. I still have loads of school-related stuff that I should be getting to, but I think I can get away with taking my time on it- new homework sets, and grading two huge stacks of calc project reports. I might take a trip out to meet some of the other math grad students for what has been deemed "Saturday/Sunday tea".
I'm gonna brag a bit- I just have to say this is a great thing about being down south. It is October and I can walk around outside without any jacket. But the cool thing is the leaves are starting to turn a bit. It is a neat experience. I really like the area- if you discount the fact that I think I'm allergic to the state.
Now time for...
R-E-L-A-X.... don't do it
I am starting to feel better about the week, which is a good thing. I still have loads of school-related stuff that I should be getting to, but I think I can get away with taking my time on it- new homework sets, and grading two huge stacks of calc project reports. I might take a trip out to meet some of the other math grad students for what has been deemed "Saturday/Sunday tea".
I'm gonna brag a bit- I just have to say this is a great thing about being down south. It is October and I can walk around outside without any jacket. But the cool thing is the leaves are starting to turn a bit. It is a neat experience. I really like the area- if you discount the fact that I think I'm allergic to the state.
Now time for...
R-E-L-A-X.... don't do it
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Flush it down the toilet
Yes, so I was thinking I would have a good week this week. I actually felt good. Now, I want to vomit. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I haven't had dinner yet, and am really just going on a bagel and a peanut butter sandwich all day. I propose another reason. I got my two exams back this week. Drum roll please- and my combined total score.....87 points. And I'll let you infer which class I got 15 points on the exam for. I think it will be quite obvious and logically clear. A rigorous proof follows (expletives have been carefully deleted)-
The professor missed half of the scheduled class times. He believes that every proof we do, it's obvious what tricks we need to use. Well, we don't have the freakin' tricks cause you didn't give us any ____________. I love how you assume that everything is clear and obvious- yes to you, mr. i've been doing this for 40 years. Not to me, I haven't taken an analysis course in over 4 years. Stupid _______ analysis. I think I threw up in my mouth several times during class. And then pretty much tell half the class you know, you really can't recover from your scores. Thanks buddy, I'll go jump off a bridge now too.
Yes-let us add exam scores to me starting to not feel so ______. Back to square one again. ____ me.
The professor missed half of the scheduled class times. He believes that every proof we do, it's obvious what tricks we need to use. Well, we don't have the freakin' tricks cause you didn't give us any ____________. I love how you assume that everything is clear and obvious- yes to you, mr. i've been doing this for 40 years. Not to me, I haven't taken an analysis course in over 4 years. Stupid _______ analysis. I think I threw up in my mouth several times during class. And then pretty much tell half the class you know, you really can't recover from your scores. Thanks buddy, I'll go jump off a bridge now too.
Yes-let us add exam scores to me starting to not feel so ______. Back to square one again. ____ me.
Finally the weekend
I figure I owe everyone a post. I have somewhat fallen off the face of the map. After Andy left, I was supposed to have a linear algebra exam on Friday of that week. The professor decided right beforehand to push the exam back one class period. Hurray for more studying time, but it didn't really matter. So this past week I had two exams - linear algebra and analysis. Yeah that wasn't cool at all. I feel Jen's pain that she went through the past two years. I totally failed both of those exams. I shouldn't have failed the linear algebra since I actually sort of knew what I was doing. But it feels so refreshing to hear that everyone else in my class thought the exams were just as bad as I did.
So this week has been pretty much as hellish as it can get. But at least I have the weekend to look forward to- like the wine-tasting get together, possibly a trip to the mall, sleeping late. I do have a bunch of other school crap...like grading and homework sets to that need to get done. Oh well.
Thanks everyone for the support on the last post. I am feeling better about everything but...it does hit me every now and again at the weirdest most inappropriate times- like when i'm speaking to my professors. I guess I'm just getting used to the reality of the situation.
Ack I need to eat and get ready for the shindig.
Signing off.
So this week has been pretty much as hellish as it can get. But at least I have the weekend to look forward to- like the wine-tasting get together, possibly a trip to the mall, sleeping late. I do have a bunch of other school crap...like grading and homework sets to that need to get done. Oh well.
Thanks everyone for the support on the last post. I am feeling better about everything but...it does hit me every now and again at the weirdest most inappropriate times- like when i'm speaking to my professors. I guess I'm just getting used to the reality of the situation.
Ack I need to eat and get ready for the shindig.
Signing off.
Empty
This past weekend has been absolutely amazing. Monday on the other hand....the opposite. It is the first time since I've been here that my apartment actually felt like a home. Having Andrew here was wonderful. Enjoyed a delicious dinner out Friday evening at a new place called Al's Upstairs. Really outstanding Italian food, very upscale, but god it was worth it. Saturday we went out tailgating with a couple of the friends I've made here at SC. Made a couple of yummy late evening dinners - with a little help of course. Not to mention someone started me on a very very bad behavior. But goodness, those cigars are quite soothing and relaxing.
But today, is not so great. Okay, so maybe I heard that I did everything right on my linear algebra quiz- big freakin' whooop-dee-do. But I left Andrew at the airport about an hour ago. My entire drive back to my apartment was a fight. I could feel the water welling up. I managed to make it back without accident and up to my place without really looking too horribly, but the second I closed that door-I found myself on the floor. I couldn't control it. My entire body just hurts - it aches. I managed to calm down a bit to go into the kitchen, but I saw dishes from breakfast this morning and it started all over again. It seems like everything is missing- it's all wrong.
I don't believe I've ever felt in this much pain- with one exception. I thought I was stronger. I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight- something is very very empty now and will be for a while. God, this week is just going to be a disaster.
I need to somehow calm down...I thought this would help a bit...but I haven't stopped sobbing at all.
But today, is not so great. Okay, so maybe I heard that I did everything right on my linear algebra quiz- big freakin' whooop-dee-do. But I left Andrew at the airport about an hour ago. My entire drive back to my apartment was a fight. I could feel the water welling up. I managed to make it back without accident and up to my place without really looking too horribly, but the second I closed that door-I found myself on the floor. I couldn't control it. My entire body just hurts - it aches. I managed to calm down a bit to go into the kitchen, but I saw dishes from breakfast this morning and it started all over again. It seems like everything is missing- it's all wrong.
I don't believe I've ever felt in this much pain- with one exception. I thought I was stronger. I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight- something is very very empty now and will be for a while. God, this week is just going to be a disaster.
I need to somehow calm down...I thought this would help a bit...but I haven't stopped sobbing at all.
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