what a pretty sunset!

Oh my. Life is…so not how I pictured it would be.

Okay, this entry is a little bit different from my other posts. I suppose it will show my very odd musings over the past few days.

Life is moving so quickly in an odd sort of way. For those of you who really know me, you know that I really have had no direction in life. I could never see into my future. In no way can I, even now, profess what I would like to do, or where I would like to be in a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years. To which end, I see my future not painted in beautiful colors creating a wonderful canvas. On the contrary, it is quite a dark void space.

As if this were something wholly awful, I must say that I have been what one would call fortunate. This brings me to my next point. I have always at some point or another had a feeling, or instinct you might say, or even gut feeling, about whether things were going well. As of right now, I have this horrible notion in the pit of my stomach. Everything is not where it is supposed to be. This job, is not for me. Being at home is not where I am supposed to be. Everything is just…not right.

I know that I need to do something. I have competing, I guess you could call them, feelings, or maybe they aren’t competing at all. I realize I’m not where I should be. But I also feel like, there is something big that I should be doing. Some event that I should be a major part of. Yet with all this, I know not what it is, or where I should be. I am at such a loss, and state of confusion.

Ugh. Back to normal programming-> I went to mass this evening...very cute guy there. Yum yum yum. And such happiness with Paul Hamm winning gymnastics gold. Yum to the 4th power as I would say. Sigh.

I feel this is a great song…and you all should know it. It is written by Avril Lavigne and sung by Kelly Clarkson. Oh yes the humanity of Theresa liking a crazy pop song.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me but
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away